On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
