If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
