soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
