Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
wow bdsm is so cute
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
