Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
