sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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