i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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