the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
