Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
