I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
