that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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