yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
