So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
