Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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