Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
