these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Welp...herpes.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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