his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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