Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
