ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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