New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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