its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm gonna fight the coyote
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
