I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
