is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
