I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
did i just pee glitter
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
