Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
