So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
