I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
