No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
