gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
