I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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