I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
