All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm always down for nudity.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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