He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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