the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
