She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
