he thought i was a dude.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
