things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
