and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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