Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
