his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
