Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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