i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
