I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
