1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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