I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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