Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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