I'm really into asian looking animals
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
