this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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