Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So vagazzling was a success
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
