So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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