Little spoons don't ask big questions
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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